Admiral McNevin approahes...

[N3ur0n0saurusl2exs0r!!!]

I expressed enormous animosity on your behalf...

[N3ur0n0saurusl2exs0r!!!]

remove rusty metal from self
remove more rusty metal from self
attribute current discomfort from being kicked by boots and hit with sticks
notice nearby trencher beak
scoff at trencher beak
curse previously scoffed at trencher beak with authority!
notice bmx bike of teh l2icks0r!
ride bmx bike of teh l2icks0r!
taunt all with the amazing balance capabilites of teh l2icks0r!
(notice that no one is impressed)
pick up wand of befall
eat wand of befall like it was a slim jim meat snack
(notice that body has begun to surge with powar!!!!)
Yell, "yayayayaya!!!! WHAAAAAAAAAAA ahahahahahaaaaaaa!!!!!"
divide the Earth with teh newfound powar of teh l2icks0r!

(Earth divides)

use teh powar of teh l2icks0r! on teh heavens

(Jesus falls from above, lands in the Pacific ocean, and walks on water towards l2icks0r!)

use teh powar of teh l2icks0r! on the ocean!

(the Ocean divides, Jesus is no longer able to walk on seawater and drowns)

use teh powar of teh l2icks0r! on the depths of hell!!!

(Satan emerges from below)
(Satan congratulates l2icks0r! on vanquishing Jesus)

Use teh powar of teh l2icks0r! on the previously drowned Jesus

(Jesus is resurrected, threatens l2icks0r! that his almighty father is not pleased)

Tell Jesus to relax and drink some wizzenberry juice.

(Jesus grabs bottle of wizzenberry juice, pours it out, fills it with seawater and proceeds to turn it into wine as if to taunt teh l2icks0r! with a divine display of powar hinting somehow that it is superior to l2icks0r!'s own)

Express dissatisfaction with Jesus's last action in terms of what powar is

(Jesus slams some wine)

grab trencher beak
throw trencher beak at Jesus's bottle of wine
(bottle breaks and wine stains Jesus's less than GQ loin cloth blood red)

(Satan laughs)

(l2icks0r! laughs)

Jesus tells l2icks0r! that he died for his sins...

(l2icks0r! laughs again and says, "yeah, and now you have been dyed by my sins! hahaha!")

(Satan ROFL)

(Jesus is not amused...calls upon his almighty father)

(nothing happens)

ROFL

Curse Jesus for being a "daddy's boy" and ask him if he honestly beleives in the whole immaculate conception thing.

Jesus responds with, "My mother was a pure woman!"

(Satan drops to the floor again laughing even harder than before)

l2icks0r! turns to Satan and says, "Tell him what's up Lucifer!"

(Satan gets up off of the floor and recomposes himself and says, "JESUS! I'm YOUR FATHER!!!!")

(Satan again drops to the floor again laughing himself into an extreme coughing spasm...and then dies)

Jesus screams, "NEEEOooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!! That's impossible!!!!"

Tell Jesus, "no, your mom was a slut...search your feelings, Jesus"

Jesus screams, "NEOOoooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Tell Jesus, "Your thoughts betray you! You know it to be true!"

(Jesus begins having some kind of divine breakdown)

Use teh powar of teh l2icks0r! on Satan's corpse

(Satan awakes, thanks l2icks0r! for resurrecting him)

grab trencher beak
(notice Jesus holding both hands to his head while freaking out)

say, "Yo Luci, you got any llello?"

Satan responds with, "OH! yeah! Yeah I've got some mad Erythroxylum novogranatense variety truxillense! Why?"

say, "no reason...."

(Satan looks confused)

behead Satan's head with trencher beak in as Nick Berg a manner as can be mustered
search Satan for some llello
(found llello)

say, "YAYAYAYYAYYAA!!!! wooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!"

snort a diabolically massive line

(notice body surges with even more powar!!!!!!!!!!)

resurrect Nick Berg

(Nick Berg appears)

say, "Hey Nick! want to partake in a little llello?"

(Nick Berg just sits there with a blank look on his face)

slap Nick

(nothing happens)

kick Nick in face

(nothing happens)

reanimate Satan's corpse and force Satan to sodomize Jesus and make Nick watch

(Satan almost gets off even more by having Nick watch, except Satan notices that Nick is expressionless and goes limp)

put on robe and wizard hat
cast "Exclamation of infinite HARRRRs on Jesus"

(Jesus almost immediately exclaims,"HARRRRRRRrr!")

(Satan performs as a diabolical sodomite...then goes limp again)

(Jesus exclaims,"HARRRRRRRrr!")

chop Nick Berg's thumbs off and twidle them

(Nick just sits there and bleeds)

explode both jesus and satan

(Nick just sits there)

explode Nick
explode Earth

(Earth explodes)

[enderzero]

enderzero enters forum.

enderzero posts that he used to think that this was his favorite thread of all time.

enderzero posts that now he is positive that this is his favorite thread of all time.

enderzero exits (resumes drinking wizzenberry juice with spidermonkey).

[N3ur0n0saurusl2exs0r!!!]

and edits his last post - pondering why it didn't say that it was edited 1 time...

[spidermonkey]

Time passes...

[R3C]

J3RK blows Whistle of Cloud-Loungery

(Cloud lounge descends for J3RK)

J3RK hovers high.

J3RK watches these events unfold from his cloud-lounge.

J3RK rolls out his ION.

J3RK creates music for the events of Rixlor.

J3RK laughs.

J3RK tosses rusty metal to McNevin

McNevin puts rusty metal away in pouch for safe keeping.

J3RK moves east.

J3RK hovers low.

J3RK picks up Rixlor, Choki, 3nder and McNevin.

Party rolls tough in the cloud lounge.

(Ah yeah)

Party eats wizzenberries.

Time passes.

[R3C]

(No locational data was consulted before East was arbitrarily chosen as the direction above.) We'll pretend that's really where J3RK wanted to hover to.

[R3C]

McNevin rolls a J with wizzenberrie hash.

Time Passes...

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

put on robe and wizard hat

grab bottle of wizzenberry juice

cast "Bottle of Bottomlessness" on bottle of wizzenberry juice

cast "Fangorn the fantastic's spell of fruity fermentationism" on wizzenberry juice

cast "l2icks0r!'s spell of high alcohol fortification - level 9" on bottle of wizzenberry juice

drink magically enchanted wizzenberry juice
(Time passes)
(l2icks0r! looks happy)

cast "Infinite pimpness on wizard hat and robe"

(A ridiculously huge funky fresh feather appears on hat)
(you feel much more pimp now)

get scroll from robe inside pocket entitled "Summon Martha Stuart"

read scroll

(Martha Stuart appears)

(Martha says something annoying)

mutter something in ebonics making sure to use the word "ho" at the end
slap Martha

pull foaty of O-E out of thin air
give foaty to Martha

drink from magically enchanted wizzenberry juice bottle for 30 seconds
(Time passes)
(l2icks0r! looks drunk - but still pimp)

slap Martha

get scroll from inside pocket entitled, "Summon Beautiful Powhatan princess"

read scroll

(Pocahontas appears)

introduce Pocahontas to Martha as, "Pocaho"

(Martha looks jealous)

(Pocaho asks Martha what tribe she is from)
(Martha exclaims, "I'm from the SLAP-a-HO tribe biaatch!")
(Martha slaps Pocaho so hard she falls off the cloud)

slap Martha

drink more magically enchanted wizzenberry juice
(Time passes)
(l2icks0r! looks even more drunk)

(Time passes...)

[R3C]

Push Martha

(Martha falls down to where Jesus and Satan are still arguing.)

(Jesus and Satan put aside their differences and slap Martha.)

Rotate Cloud Lounge 90 degrees.

(View of the antics below has improved.)

Take wizzenberry syringe.

Use syringe.

Much time passes.

(J3RK loses ability to navigate Cloud Lounge)

Give Cloud Lounge controls to 3nder.

3nder says "Watch this"

(Cloud Lounge tumbles out of control.)

(Party is laying on ground with less HP)

McNevin says "What's all this"

3nder says "You can pick anything, anything you like"

Choki says "J3RK, we have to get you to a hospital"

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

take foaty away from Martha
hit Martha over the head with foaty bottle
(Martha dies)

take off robe and wizard hat

tell Choki, "we don't need no stinking hospital!"
tell Choki, "what planet do you think this is? Earth? I blew it up remember?"

fly around like Neo does in the matrix when he flys around like Superman and exclaim, "THIS IS PLANET ZOMBO.COM!!! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING AT ZOMBO.COM!!! ANYTHING AT ALL!!!!!!! THE ONLY LIMIT IS YOURSELF!!!"

stop and drink some more wizzenberry juice

fly around some more and excalim, "THIS IS ZOMBO.COM AND WELCOME TO YOU WHO HAVE COME TO ZOMBO.COM!!!! ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING AT ZOMBO.COM!!!"

stop flying around again and drink even more wizzenberry juice
(you are very drunk now, flying will be impaired)

do some drunken flying while exclaiming, "THE INFINITE IS POSSIBLE AT ZOMBO.COM!!!!!THE UNATTAINABLE IS UNKNOWN AT ZOMBO.COM!!!!!!!!"
(you crash into the ground, landing on your head)

tell choki, "Maybe we aren't on planet Zombo.com - I think my neck is broken...maybe we should find a hospital afterall..."

drink wizzenberry juice
(your neck is broken, you can't drink)

(you go into shock)
(you pass out)

(Time passes...)

[R3C]

McNevin gives rusty metal to J3RK.

Make crude neck brace from rusty metal.

Give neck brace to Rixlor.

Give Rixlor wizzenberries for the pain.

Cast magic missile at Jesus, Satan, and Martha's corpse.

Cast levitate.

(J3RK levitates to the moon, which is now floating slowly off into space.)

J3RK invites party to party on moon.

(J3RK has large supply of wizzenberries, shubas, trencher beaks, and roast lapin on the moon.)

J3RK says hello to Ignignot and Er.

[McNevin]

Mcnevin spanks rixor with moon rocks.

mcnevin drinks whizenberrry juice.

[R3C]

Time Passes.

[R3C]

Take moon rock.

(J3RK checks inventory)

1 moon rock
2 rusty metal
1 Rixlor made bottomless wizzenberry container
1 trencher beak
1 wand of befall
1 string
1 roast lapin
2156 daggers
1 shuba
1 staff of the dead
2300 gold pieces
1 boat anchor
1 spare cloud lounge control module
1 whistle of cloud loungery
5 waterskins
1 iPaq with MAME for pocket PC
3 death discs
25 obsidian coins from Pagan
1 keyring
1 unhappy fairy in a bottle
1 Alesis ION

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

(you wake up with an incredibly stiff neck)

put on robe and wizard hat

cast "REGN" on self

(All your hit points have been restored by Regeneration)

take off neck splint

cast "BRKR"

(The Brothers Kringle appear! )
(The brothers are always ready to help friends in trouble)
(Enough brothers appear to fill the empty slots in your party.)

(Time passes)

search for 4 groups of 99 berserkers to kill

(Time passes)

drink more wizzenberry juice...

[R3C]

A Groo aproaches [Did I spell that right? Groo, Gru, Grue? I hate Zork/Infocom, but I remember a "Groo" from one of them.]

Say "Hey Groo, what's the haps?"

Groo says "Nah much"

Groo gets angry for no reason.

J3RK takes out rusty metal.

J3RK give second rusty metal to Choki.

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

cast "FAFO" at grue

(grue is pushed 90' away from the party)

cast "CAMR" at grue

(grue is no longer hostile towards the party)

(Time passes...)

[R3C]

Pat Groo on head.

Say "Good Groo"

Eat wizzenberries.

(Time Passes)

[McNevin]

The grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the
earth. Its favorite diet is adventurers, but its insatiable
appetite is tempered by its fear of light. No grue has ever been
seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws
to tell the tale.

[spidermonkey]

pense grue

take lobster

take stick

make hat out of lobster and stick

give hat to monkey

monkey doesn't like to wear hats

stare at sun

time passes

[spidermonkey]

reread title of thread

you notice that approaches is spelled without a C

drink wizzenberry juice

title starts to look better

[R3C]

Keep drinking grammar hero!

[N3ur0n0saurusl2exs0r!!!]

bend over quicken breathing in order to hyperventilate
stand up straight and peer at sky
cut off circulation to carotid arteries using thumbs

(you pass out and fall backwards)
(you killed a few thousand brain cells - you feel dumber)

bend over, quicken breathing and nearly hyperventilate
stand up straight and peer at sky
cut off circulation to carotid arteries using thumbs

(you pass out and fall forwards)
(you smack head on ground and break nose)
(you killed a few more brain cells - you feel dumber)

bend over, quicken breathing and hyperventilate
stand up straight and peer at sky
cut off circulation to carotid arteries using thumbs

(you pass out and fall forwards)
(your head hits a rock and knocks you unconsious)
(you killed many more brain cells - you feel a lot more stupider)

pick up golden book about the cat in the hat
read cat in the hat book

(you don't know how to read)

look at pictures

say, "nice kitty! kitty is nice...love kitty"

(time passes)

find syringe
(you find a syringe with a rusty needle)

find 750ml bottle of vodka
(you find some luksusowa potato vodka)

inject vodka into vein in arm
(you instantly become amazingly drunk)

search for knives
(found knife)

search for another knife
(found knife)

hold knife in each hand
incise both left and right coratid arteries using held knives

(you bleed from the neck like a fountain)
(in less than 15 seconds you pass out)
(you continue to bleed an amazing amount of blood)
(you bleed to death)
(you are dead)

(time passes)

[R3C]

Dispose of body with Wand of Befall.

(The Wand cuts swiftly)

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

(nothing happens)

(you don't have the wand of befall, it was eaten earlier by l2icks0r!)

[R3C]

If you look back, you'll find that I have another one. It's not a unique item in this game. So:

It cuts swiftly!!

So there...

[Bill Drayton Jr.]

(J3RK sees a crowd of people of identical height walking towards l2icks0r!'s corpse)
(they are all holding buckets)
(they all look like l2icks0r!)
(J3RK sees that the buckets are all full of wand of befalls)

(a l2icks0r! takes out one wand from his bucket and puts it in his mouth as he dumps the remainder on l2icks0r!'s corpse)

(The l2icks0r! with the wand in his mouth starts eating it)
(J3RK sees a l2icks0r! surge with powar!)

(More l2icks0r!'s are dumping out their buckets of wands on l2icks0r!'s corpse)
(J3RK can no longer see l2icks0r!'s corpse)

(even more l2icks0r!'s are eating wands of befalls now and surging with powar!)

(several powar surging l2icks0r!'s start flying around irratically this way and that)

(there is a massively huge pile of wand of befalls where l2icks0r!'s corpse used to be)

(the sky is filled with thousands of powar surging l2icks0r!'s now flying in a very chaotic manner)

(Time passes...)

(a little bald boy walks up to J3RK)

the boy says, "Do not try and fly like l2icks0r!, that's impossible, instead only try to realize the truth."

J3RK says, "What truth?"
the boy responds with," There is no l2icks0r!"

J3RK says, "There is no l2icks0r!?"
the boy responds with, "Then you will see that it is not the l2icks0r! that flys it is only yourself."

(the boy then grabs a wand and eats it)
(he surges with powar and starts flying around with all the l2icks0r!s)

(the boy then drops a lit match on the pile of wands)
(the wands ignite to create a l2icks0r!-Q)

(time passes...)

[N3ur0n0saurusl2exs0r!!!]

(Several l2icks0r!'s stop flying around and land on the ground near l2icks0r!'s BBQing corpse)

(They look quite ravenous and start quelling their hunger by eating the tastiest of l2icks0r!-Q'd meat...and wands of befall...yummmy!)

(soon all the l2icks0r's have eaten all of the wands and all of the first l2icks0r!'s l2icks0r!-Q'd corpse)

(there is nothing left)

(suddenly thousands of l2icks0r's are looking at J3RK...)

(J3RK fears that they are looking upon him as if he were something that one would throw upon a barbie if one were to have such a barbie)

(J3Rk looks uneasy)

to be continued....

[N3ur0n0saurusl2exs0r!!!]

just had to take a suprisingly suprising throw up break...I blame the god forsaken birds...they make me sick....

ok where were we?

Yes....several thousand l2icks0r's begin drooling as they look towards J3RK as a solution for the quelling of an insatiable hunger only a hungry powar laden l2icks0r! could know of....

(J3RK looks very very uneasy)

Suddenly an l2icks0r! comes flying down, with authority, and stands in front of J3RK while exclaiming, "You're all going to have to go through me if you want to get at him you bastards!!!!"

(the other l2icks0r's look completly unamused)
(then the impossible happens)
(the hostile l2icks0r!'s come together...right now...over you)
(they join together and become MEGA-SUPER-l2ICKS0R!!!!)

(MEGA-SUPER-l2ICKS0R! is 3000' feet tall)
(MEGA-SUPER-l2ICKS0R! scoops up some earth and eats it, and then laughs!)

to be continued....(I'd much rather go buy some doughnuts now)